Society & The Male Ego | July 2018

It’s 2018, we have televisions that are smarter than us, we can go about our daily business through our phones but attitudes towards a woman’s role and the male ego are changing quick enough.

My Personal Experience

I was seeing one guy, on and off, from the age of 17 to 21. I met him at school and he worked damn hard for my attention. While this story may paint him in a negative light, he’s not a bad person. He just so happens to be a good anecdote for my wider point.

I wanted to like him. He was genuine, kind, good-looking and completely boyfriend material. Maybe it was because I was not long free of an awful relationship or maybe, it just wasn’t right. My family and friends would tell me I was “too fussy, standards too high and expecting too much” so I kept trying to like him.

One night he was at mine. He’d stayed for dinner and revelled in my parents adoration. We were watching a film in my room and we were kissing. We were young, he younger than I. He was entirely inexperienced, I less so but hardly an expert and after said bad relationship, I had a lot of insecurity and confusion around intimacy.

Things were going too far for my liking, he could tell I wasn’t comfortable. He would ask me if I was okay, then pretend not to hear me when I said “no”. I was at the point where I couldn’t bear the situation any longer. I’d told him no three times, I finally pushed him away and got up.

I told a family member what happened, which is very out of character for me. I expected her to finally stop pushing me to “give him a chance” and understand. Her reaction was as if I’d overreacted. Why would I not want to have sex with a boy who’s willing? If he wanted it, that should have been enough.

My Point Here…

It’s the old-fashioned outlook that if you tell a man “no”, he’ll find someone else who will say “yes”. Women feel guilty for saying “no”.  I won’t deny society has come a long way in terms of attitudes towards women. I feel very lucky to be born in the day and age I am because I am not cut out for that life. In my head, we’d come further.

Social Media is filled with women trying to find themselves, be happy with themselves and love themselves first. In real life, I still feel surrounded by attitudes that my purpose is to find a man, keep him happy and look after him, even if that’s at the expense of my happiness. At 23, I don’t think I’m willing to put a male’s happiness before my own.

My grandparents are in their 70’s and they cannot stand each other. My Gran cooks for my Grampa every night, while he shouts and huffs at her. In my 23 years, he has never cooked for her. Growing up, my brother could torment the life out of me, it was only a problem when I would bite back. Even in my younger days, I’d do things, I didn’t want to do, to please my ex-boyfriend.

Society has trained us to protect the male ego as if they’re fragile beings who always have to be right.

I would rather argue with 100 women before I’d argue with a man because they’re generally huffy humans who cannot take being challenged. Probably because they still think they shouldn’t be.
Think of the sorest loser in your life, I bet it’s a man.

Maybe I’m naive, I thought society had come a lot further than it actually has. I believed we were the generation of change but the attitudes of the generations before us are still so present and festering this into our way of thinking. Things are changing but it looks like it’s going to be a much longer process than I thought.

If I’m ever lucky enough to have a Daughter, I don’t want her to feel the way I do. To feel that challenging the attitudes towards a woman’s purpose is a constant battle. More so, to feel that her wants and needs are any less important or valuable than that of a man.